a little sprout

Halloween last year It truly amazes me how quickly your life can change. Seasons come and go; leaves become gold and orange and then suddenly they’re gone- floating away on an autumn breeze. We crunched through those leaves with you, making memories that will last with me for as long as I live. Every day I hope and pray that my darling boys will remember you; your laughter, your kindness, your caring and deeply giving nature. I want them to really know that you were remarkable- and I recognize you’d most likely cringe with my saying that. Every move you made was for someone else, for another’s peace or happiness. You were and still are the definition of benevolence. And now, there is a gaping hole in my heart without you here and the pain is only manageable by the joy I see through my children’s eyes from them just living life. It is eight weeks today that I lost you and I will never, ever, ever be ok without you here. The solitary thing that keeps me going is within the h...

A few moments alone. Silence. Stillness. Seconds to recognize this massive space between an authentic connection and the existing isolation. A touch. Tremble. Release…. Suddenly overwhelmed by a flood of unhappiness and an immeasurable amount of discontent. Then tears. Endless the questions and fear seem. I wait… wonder and feel as though every step I take is the wrong one… leading back into this rotation. I cannot stop longing… I can’t … The ache is continuous and profound. Copyright 2011 Jennifer Rose  - Artwork by: Henri Matassi 

October's poplars are flaming torches lighting the way to winter. ~Nova Bair The aspens here in our state signal the beginning of the season's change and with it, I feel so many different emotions. I took a drive with my Dad, older brother and younger sister this past week to Mount Evans and was moved more than I ever thought I would be with the grand splendor of color highlighting our way. This trip wasn't just to admire our lovely mountains, it was for much more personal and arduous venture. But amazingly, the trees conveyed to me as we climbed this massive elevation- that somehow, I would be ok. Being without my mother is the most raw and pained I have ever been. There are days that don't seem real. My mom was a touchstone to all things tangible in my life; this loss causes me to I feel like nothing makes sense and as if this is not my life anymore. Who I am without her? I think of her smile or her laughter and suddenly the ache in my chest is so massiv...