Rabbit Finds a Way

  

          I was given this book by some exceptionally beloved family friends a long, long time ago. The book is dated back in 1976 - I was two years old then. This is now the reason why I date all of my own children’s books, I want them to know where, what and whom the second the manuscript is opened. It amuses me now to think how much joy I can find in these little discoveries that transport me right back to my past. I relive so many moments in my head, going back to memories that are jam-packed with joy and always include mom. 
I often find myself gushing with how lucky I am (was) to have been so blessed to have that unbelievable woman as my mother. Which brings me to my point of why I am writing. These days I make cupcakes, it’s just something that I do and it’s now a huge part of who I am. Baking actually brings me serenity, brings me closer to my family and brings me nearer to the recollections of my adored mom baking a Saturday afternoon away.  

So with this new love, I’ve tried many, many recipes in the past two years and seriously, I’ve almost been avoiding a carrot cupcake method. I’ve always perceived carrot cake as a scam in the dessert world. Carrots are good for you, right?- So making a cake or anything else from them just didn’t make much sense to me or to my sweet tooth. I’m a fan of chocolate, creams, nut and candies- oh my!  

Subsequently, I’d look up recipes, flag them for ‘later’ use and then never go back! But this past weekend with my boys consumed by playoff games, I felt it might finally be the time to pull out a recipe and give it a whirl. I was quite honestly nervous about how these were going to turn out. It’s funny, so many family members and friends I know love carrot cake and they just didn’t get my apprehension- but for me, carrot was just not the proper ingredient for suitable ‘real’ cupcakes. Anyway, I pulled them out of the oven and hmmm….. wow, they smelled amazing. OK, so don’t get me wrong, I’ve had cupcakes come out and smell great and taste like garbage so I wasn’t holding my breath… yet.

For the reason that a few recipes sort of tasted a bit like rubbish, I almost always open a warm cupcake and have a mini taste test way before icing or sharing. Well, I was shocked … not just a little shocked, I mean I was taken aback with how wonderful these tiny morsels of pure bliss actually were! I called in the troops for back up conformation and what the heck, they loved them too!! After the avoidance of the dreaded carrot “not sweet enough” cupcake I decided these were my favorites so far that I’ve made since starting my baking expedition. After adding the cream cheese butter cream frosting there wasn’t any way to argue about it, these babies won my taste buds and my heart.

After putting my boys to bed the next night my endearing old book upon their book shelf caught my eye. When finishing reading their book selections, I crawled into bed. The pages were so much more delicate than I remembered and the smell from each of them sent me back once again to the wondrous and precious memories being a child again, with mom right there next to me.

I took the story to heart this time around, reading slowly, thoughtfully. I saw myself as rabbit, finding his way through life and trying to figure it all out. There were moments where he seemed selfish but ultimately he did find out how to share, give and make his individual way with the help of those around him…. And eventually made his own carrot cake. I think that maybe this is what I’m doing now after losing my way with my mother’s passing. Most days I can say I’m alright, I’m dealing but then …. Honestly, I've been so angry, resentful, sometimes confused and most often, just plain old depressed to have to go through life without her here. 
And here I am now -- I've had to find my own way, slowly, making mistakes along the way....discovering my personal recipes on living.... proving myself wrong, finding it's all still sweet enough... even for me. 

my carrot cupcake